You're Not Unlucky, You're Undecided: How to Stop Quitting When Things Get Hard

Why do I quit when things get hard?

One thing I get asked about a LOT is goals. My job is glow ups, radical life transformation... but no matter how you skin it, it all comes down to working towards goals.

And the hard part for most women comes down to two things.

Number one, no clarity on what the goal actually is.

Number two, the doubt. The questioning. That inner b*tch monologue that's running in the background... "you can't do this", "it's not possible", "it's not gonna happen".

So today I want to break down how you become a woman who actually makes her goals a reality. A woman who, when she says she's gonna do something, actually does it.

The hardest pill to swallow

Every single thing that has happened in your life up until this moment is completely your responsibility.

And that's f*cking tough to hear. Because it's so much easier to blame the circumstances. Blame the people. Blame everything except taking ownership of yourself and your situation.

But here's the flip side. If it's on you, you're in control. You get to decide whether your goal becomes a reality.

You're not unlucky

Here's what I hear when life gets hard...

"My goal isn't going to happen. It's not possible for me. I'm just unlucky. I always try, it's perfect at the start and then I blow out."

No.

When life gets hard, that is NOT the moment you make the decision about your goal. You made that decision already.

You're not unlucky. You're undecided.

Step 1: Get really clear on the goal

Whatever the goal is, however big it is, it doesn't matter how long it's gonna take.

Remove the time. Remove the logistics. Remove all of those factors and ask yourself...

What do I actually want in life? How do I want to feel? What is it that I really, really want right now?

Step 2: Make the decision

When I think about my own experience, and watching so many women work towards their goals, it comes down to this.

Look at successful people. Look at athletes. Look at the people who've done these crazy, incredible things. It comes down to one anchoring point...

They made a decision.

Their decision is that the goal IS becoming a reality. There is no other option.

What happens for most people is they set the goals, they make the vision board... but deep down, at a subconscious level, they don't believe it's going to happen.

And I totally get it. If you're broke, if you're living somewhere you hate, if you're in a relationship that isn't it or a job you can't stand, or the body you want feels a million miles away... it's gonna feel really far removed when you're sitting on your couch making a vision board.

I get it, because that used to be me too. I used to sit there thinking, if I just plant it in my mind and think about it enough, it's gonna happen.

Sadly not.

So get really clear on what you want. And then make the decision...

I will do whatever it takes to make that goal a reality.

Whatever it takes means whatever it takes

This is the really important part.

Whatever it takes does not mean tapping out when it gets hard.

The mindset has to be this:

Throw me to the wolves and I'll come back leading the pack. Over and over and over again. Keep testing me. Keep throwing things at me. Keep pushing me to my absolute limits. I'll keep coming back firing until my goals become a reality.

What happens for most women is they have a hard week. Something doesn't go to plan. The kids, the family, work, money. And let's be so for real... some weeks are an absolute sh*tshow. Everything's on fire and you're thinking, what did I do to deserve this?

I get it. I totally understand it.

But you are not so immune from hardship that you won't be tested. You're not so special that you get to skip the hard part. The whole point of a hero's journey is that you have to fight the dragons to become the hero.

I'd love to tell you it's gonna be sunshine and lollipops and euphoric the whole time. It's not. The hard part of becoming whatever you're working towards is that you WILL be tested.

The morning I called myself a loser

I can't tell you how many times over the last couple of years, scaling and growing this company, I've had to say to myself... follow the plan, not your mood. Follow the plan, not your mood.

Early on, when I was launching the company, I was so broke. I'd wake up in the morning and think, how the hell am I supposed to show up on social media right now and be this strong, empowered woman leading other women to go after their goals... when I feel like a f*cking loser?

Every morning I'd look in the mirror and think, you are a f*cking loser, Henrietta.

And I'm sorry, but there's no amount of manifestation, affirmations or kind words that snaps you out of that. Only you pushing back in that moment and saying...

"Okay, Henrietta. You feel like a loser this second. But you're not gonna be a loser forever. Because you're gonna follow the plan, not your mood."

And if you're working on a body goal right now and you feel like absolute rubbish, and you're fighting demons that have probably been there a while... yeah, okay. I get it. You don't feel good right now. But you follow the plan anyway, because you know every day is one step closer.

Fourteen days to one sale

The hardest part of fighting those dragons is that you might not see any results to start with. And that's why people tap out so quickly.

I always think back to one campaign I did for one of my challenges. I thought it was such a creative, cool concept. My ego was completely blown out of the water with this one.

And it was a complete flop. Radio silence. Crickets. I'd sunk money into it and burnt through some of my savings.

Instead of dwelling on it, I asked myself what really connects with my audience... and I showed up.

First day, radio silence. Second day, radio silence.

I think it took me 14 days before I got one sale.

And that was mentally grueling, especially coming from big companies where launch days meant thousands of people signing up. But I kept showing up. Every day I felt like a loser. Every day I followed the plan. Try again, try again, try again.

When that sale came through I was like... hallelujah. I'd made the decision. Whatever it takes, even if it's one sale.

I had this big paper board on the wall and I'd strike out every single sale. I'd run into Ryan's office like, "oh my God, I got a sale!" It was the most euphoric thing.

So don't diminish the small wins. Honestly, I still feel it every time my Shopify notification goes off.

Instead of dwelling on the days that weren't successful, I looked at success differently. Success was still moving the needle forward.

I had to go through those hards to build the mental resilience and the grit to keep pushing. And now the ceiling of what I'm working towards is way higher. I've come back from Europe refreshed, recharged and going absolutely feral towards my goals... because I made the decision.

Step 3: Reverse engineer it

Here's the part that goes alongside "I will do whatever it takes"...

If you don't have structure, if you don't have systems, if you don't have non-negotiables, you will fail.

Hard pill to swallow, but it's the truth.

Say you're going for a fat loss goal. But you have no plan for how you'll get your steps in. You don't know when your training sessions are booked. You haven't done your meal prep. You don't know your calories and macros. You're winging it day by day.

You're setting yourself up to fail, because you're letting your emotions decide.

A goal without a plan is just a wish. And you are not a genie.

So reverse engineer it. Get so clear on the habits of the woman you're working towards becoming, and have the plan.

Step 4: Follow the plan, not your mood

Then you go all in, and you recognise it's delayed gratification. It's going to take time.

Sometimes it moves really fast. There'll be seasons where it flies and seasons where it's really slow. But you have to understand it takes time.

There's gonna be a lot of invisible reps. A lot of doubting yourself. A lot of being tested.

I will feel like a loser doing it. I'll have days I feel tragic, stupid, embarrassed, like a fraud. But deep down I know the goal is going to become a reality. It's just a time game. I'm one rep, one phone call, one decision, one opportunity away from it happening.

That's a champion mindset.

And the evidence will pile up until it's undeniable. Until your goal becomes inevitable.

You get to decide

You're the creator, the author, the CEO of your own existence. You get to decide.

So make the decision today. I will show up. I will do whatever it takes. I will be a champion.

And to anyone who doubts me, anyone who questions me right now... watch me.

It's your life. So start acting like it.

This isn't what you want to hear today. It's what you need to hear today. And I love you.

It's time to play different. It's time to do different.