Why the F*ck Not You? How to Stick to Your Goals When Motivation Runs Out

Why do I keep giving up on my goals?

I was thinking the other day about how many women I work with who have ALL of the potential to make their goals a reality... and yet they keep going round in that self-sabotaging loop.

So if you're getting to the end of the year and looking back at the missed opportunities, the times you gave up on yourself, the perceived failures, life happening and life going on, and you're frustrated and overwhelmed and thinking "am I always going to f*cking be like this?"... this is the conversation for you. We're going hard words with Henny, with an absolutely huge heart. It might not be what you want to hear today, but it is exactly what you need to hear to carry you into the end of the year as your highest, hottest, most iconic version of self.

One of my beautiful clients messaged me recently. She said, "I'm just so frustrated. Am I always going to be this way? Why can't I just stick to the plan?"

My answer was really f*cking simple.

Is it the plan, the time or my motivation?

None of the above.

The reason she keeps self-sabotaging, the reason she keeps starting over, isn't the plan. The plan is there. It isn't that she doesn't have accountability and coaching. She has those too. It isn't time. It isn't her work. It isn't her partner or her friends or anything else.

It's her. And not because she's some broken woman doomed to a life of self-sabotage. It's because of her lack of DECISION.

Her indecision is the reason her goals aren't becoming a reality. And I know you might be sitting there going, "come on, Hen, surely that's not the solution". But it really is that simple. Your indecision, and you going half in on things in life, is the reason your goals don't happen.

What can a bride teach you about sticking to your goals?

I want you to think of a woman, maybe you, maybe a friend or a family member, who had a wedding coming up. An engagement party. A big life event. What did she do in the lead-up that was different from what she normally does?

I guarantee every single one of you is picturing a woman who moved hell and high water. The wedding shred. The iconic sprint to the finish line to become the most radiant bride.

I've coached so many brides, but my sister was the perfect example. My sister is an absolute angel sent from the heavens above. The smartest, kindest, most brilliant human on the planet, and the woman who saved my life. When I was in the depths of depression, she was the one I called. Number one, always there.

She is also, and I say this with the kindest heart, a bit of a sloth. She has never loved exercise or meal prep. Most of my childhood memories of her are of her lying on the couch or in bed for hours with a book.

But when she was getting married? I've never seen anything like it. She was in a small apartment in Sydney, training in her room like an animal. She would not miss a workout. Her nutrition was perfect. She would not steer off the plan for anything. Facials, skincare, all of it. I remember sitting there thinking, who is this person and what have you done to my sister?

She did it because she had a timeline and she made a decision. She was walking down that aisle as the most stunning, magnetic human on the planet. (She would have been anyway, by the way. Aura on point. Exercise and beauty products should only ever be enhancing your glow.) She went all in. Balls to the wall. Feral.

And that's what it takes.

How do I stop starting over?

When women go into a challenge or a block of time working towards a goal, indecision is the first thing that trips them up. They've given themselves the option that there is an option.

So if you're the type of person who keeps stop-starting, here's where you begin. Make your goal more specific, and make it a sprint.

• Make it specific and measurable. Not some vague "I'm going to lose 20 kilos, get a new job and buy a house". We're talking about a six-week goal.
• Make it realistic, and still dream big. Be delulu, for sure. Go Disney scale. I'm not going to diminish that for a second. But think of the sprint as the reverse engineering that gets you momentum for the end stretch.
• Put a date on it and make the date real. Say your challenge ends on 28 November. Book a fabulous dinner for that night. Book your hair and makeup. Order the iconic outfit. Then every morning you wake up and picture yourself in that outfit, the way a bride pictures her photos. How you'll hold yourself. A proud woman who follows through on what she said she'd do.

If you locked that in and lived with that vision every day, you'd be amazed how far you get. And if you don't get there, it will be because you half-assed it and made following the plan optional.

This is why I love a sprint challenge and why I run 40-day challenges. Challenges get a lot of heat. People say it should be a life thing. Yes, and a challenge is about momentum. You are collecting receipts that you can stick to something for longer than a week. I have done these so many times, and the feeling on day 40 of being a woman who makes promises to herself and keeps them is unmatched. A woman with high standards, protecting her boundaries and her peace, saying f*ck no to the things that don't align with what she wants.

And if you don't want to do something, don't f*cking do it. You're an adult. You have free will. If it's not a f*ck yes, it's a f*ck no.

What does "follow the plan, not your mood" actually mean?

You know my favourite quote of all time, the thing I live and breathe by: follow the plan, not your mood.

Follow the plan, not your mood IS the decision. It's the declaration that there is no other option except that goal becoming a reality.

I'm going to wake up and follow the plan. When I'm tired, I follow the plan. When my kids are demons sent from hell for the day, I'm following the plan, not my mood. When Gary from work is being an absolute see-you-next-Tuesday, I'm following the plan, not my mood.

You don't have to do it perfectly. You do have to show up.

What do I do after a bad day so I don't give up?

Sh*t is going to happen. Life is going to happen and you are going to be tested. Nobody is immune from the hardships of life, and the sooner you stop expecting to be, the easier this gets.

So when you have one diabolical bad day, you don't shame spiral. You get straight back into it and keep moving forward. One bad day does not get to become a bad week or a bad month.

Think about every extraordinary person you've ever heard on a podcast or in an interview. Their story is never about how easy they had it. It's about adversity, mental health, tragedy, loss, all the degrees of being human. That's the whole point of a hero's journey.

So when the universe throws the dragons, the fire and the storms at you... yeah, throw it at me. Throw me to the wolves and I'll come back leading the pack. I'm one day, one choice, one moment away from it, and you can test me with anything and I'll keep fighting. And when you keep fighting, you become the woman who is worthy and deserving of her goals, because you made the decision.

Why the f*ck not you?

If you knew you were literally 100 workouts away from the best body of your whole life, would you show up and do the workout today? If you knew you were 100 phone calls away from a million dollars, would you make the call today?

That's how decision works. When you decide the result is inevitable, you are just one opportunity away from it. So stop sitting on the sidelines. Stop waiting for the perfect opportunity and the perfect circumstances. Burn the ships. No backup plan, no going back to the tragic, sad sack version of you. Stop sitting on the fence of maybe.

Why not you? Why not you having the extraordinary life, everything you've ever dreamed of, and the things you're even too scared to dream of? These are not reserved for special, unique unicorns. So many unspecial humans have gone before you and done extraordinary things. Every one of us has met someone and thought, "how the f*ck did THAT person become successful?" I've definitely worked with some f*cking idiots before, and I think to myself, how is it? It's because idiots always f*cking succeed. They're delusional in the right way. They know it's going to happen, and they know they're one choice, one moment, one decision away.

Your three moves, starting today

1. Make the decision. The option of an option no longer exists. You do it tired, you do it overwhelmed, you do it stressed.
2. Be delusional in the right way. You are one yes, one workout, one moment away from the most iconic version of yourself.
3. Follow the plan, not your mood. And if you don't have a plan and you're winging it day to day... girl, pull your sh*t together. A goal without a plan is just a wish, and we are not genies. You need a plan, structure and protocol.

And the hard reality? A lot of you need accountability. Someone in your corner who believes in you more than you believe in yourself right now, and who'll say "sis, pull your sh*t together and get back in the game". Because we haven't come this far to only come this far.

It's day one or one day. You get to decide.