The Puss Would Never: How to Raise Your Standards, and the Friend Who Brought Me Back to Life

Who is Emma Salmon?

Emma is the living embodiment of a hype woman. A photographer with the rare gift of capturing not just your image but your soul, and now a DJ, bringing the same passion to that. She has the most excessive wardrobe on the planet: wigs, sequins, fur. She's one of the kindest women I've ever known, and she's the friend who will literally take you and your dog into her house after the breakup of the century.

She has lived about five lives. She picked up a camera at 31 and ended up shooting for magazines you've 100% heard of. She's walked through the hardest moment a person can face, and she tells that story herself in the episode. She came out with more joy, not less.

How we ended up in that house

Em was the photographer on the first Feel Good Naked shoot. We were trying on outfits and she said, "I've actually just broken up with my partner. Do you know anyone looking for a roommate?" At the time I was in a very toxic relationship. I remember looking at her and thinking, I wish it was me saying those words.

Within a couple of weeks, it was. Emma was one of the first people I called. Is the room still available? What's the cost? Also... I've got a dog.

Within a month I was living in what can only be described as a cool, edgy, modern Barbie dream house, with a pink couch and music always playing.

When I say Emma saved me as a human, she saved me. I was a shell of a human when I met her. I didn't believe in myself. I'd had someone trample me, belittle me and make me feel like the lowest person on the planet. And Em just being Em, the ultimate hype girl at every moment of every day, brought me back to life. When someone that positive and that excited for life is in your aura, you become part of it.

Where does "the puss would never" come from?

You'll hear exactly where it came from in the episode, because it involves a very awkward errand and me saying something out loud I did not expect to say. Em and our beautiful friend Olivia were on the floor.

But the puss took on her own identity. She became our identity of standards. The people we'd date. The people we'd even talk to. What the puss would wear that day. We'd be sitting in a bar talking about some guy and one of us would say it: the puss would never. She would absolutely never. She wouldn't even entertain it.

The puss is that girl. She is baddie energy 24/7, and her standards are so f*cking high that she can handle a lot, but she won't handle the bare minimum.

How do I raise my standards?

You ask the question. For every woman out there settling for mediocre men, or for anything less than what the puss deserves, start asking yourself: would the puss?

I said it to a client just the other day. A guy took her out on a date, suggested they skip dinner, and told her he didn't really like paying for food out. I said the puss would never. In the bin.

The old you said yes to that. The new you doesn't even entertain it.

How do I walk into a room with confidence?

Em has never once felt nervous walking into a room. She'll tell you she's blessed that she doesn't get social anxiety, and she knows so many people do. Her confidence comes from joy. It's about finding her style, being at peace with herself, knowing what she loves and sticking to it. As long as she's happy and doing her thing, it doesn't enter her mind what anyone else thinks.

Now, me? I wear the most extra stuff too, and I'm terrified wearing it. Walking into the gym, going to get a coffee. It's something I've had to work on. I flip a switch, do the alter ego, and strut into the space like I own it.

So if you're listening to this thinking "I could never"... yes, you can, if it's just for you. It doesn't have to be confidence or not confidence. It's just owning who you are.

And not every room is your room. We went to a Halloween party once in full wings, the most extra people on the planet, and everyone in there had an attitude. Em's take: if you can't connect with the people in a room, you don't have to want to be there.

Follow the joy

Em did a photo shoot for fun, walked out and thought, I think I could do this. She had never touched a camera. She asked a photographer friend what to buy, went on a total beginner course, and before long she'd set up a studio in Ibiza. She wasn't thinking "this is my next career". She was thinking, that would be fun.

So if you haven't found your spark, try something that isn't in your realm. And there's no age restriction on it. She was 31 or 32 then, and she has literally just started making music at 44.

What can I give, not what can I get

The word networking is a bit ick, but it's really just chatting to people and making good connections. Em put herself out there: she made a proper book of her work, and when she got a foot in the door, she grasped it.

And here's why people don't get cut through. They walk into a room thinking, what can I get from this person? You will never get what you want that way. Walk in asking what value you could add to their life. That's why people want Em around.

When the worst thing has happened

I'm not going to tell Em's story for her. Listen to it in the episode. What I want you to take from it is what she did next.

She went into action mode. She became a yes girl, took every course she could find, and filled the time she would have spent at home alone. She'll tell you that you have to allow yourself certain days and certain moments, and that crying is a given. But you keep moving, even in complete sad sack mode. You might be learning a new thing and crying your way through it, and you're still doing it. For her, beginner lessons where you use your hands were the thing that made her focus. You don't have to be good at it.

I work with so many women who sit on the hard thing in their life until it becomes their personality. That isn't diminishing what happened to anyone. But action cures all.

Can you still find friends like this as an adult?

As an adult, it is really hard to find people you're so aligned with that you can be your most raw, real self. I think this story gives hope to any woman out there that you can find people who liberate who you are.

There were three of us, Em, me and Olivia, three single girls saying yes to absolutely everything. Save me spag bol. Fix me juices. A house filled with dancing. I don't think I'll ever have another chapter where I felt that free. And there are a lot more stories for part two, so tell us in the comments if you want it.