How to Stay Calm When Everything Goes Wrong: The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

What happened the day everything went wrong?

I'm recording this from Milos in Greece, sitting on my bed with the most incredible view of the water and the boats behind me. And honestly, getting here was a mission.

We had just finished a four-day Tony Robbins event. The most intense experience of my life in the best possible way: crying, singing, dancing, being your most raw, real version of yourself, 12-hour days with no break. We were exhausted and pretty fragile. But I'd just spent four days learning how to manage my energy, how to redirect when you're flat, and how you emotionally regulate. Turns out I was about to get a real-life test.

Three o'clock in the morning. We're leaving Cologne for a huge day of travel to Milos. The night before, Ryan says, "we've had pretty good luck with the travel, haven't we?" And I'm thinking: no. Don't say that. Don't jinx it.

We get on the train to Frankfurt. Everything's on time. Then an announcement in German we can't understand, and the conductor comes over to tell us there's an issue on the track ahead. The train had to be rerouted, about two and a half hours around. So we missed our connecting flight to Athens, and the one after that to Milos, and there's very limited transport to the island.

And I was cool and calm. We're going to figure it out. What's option A? What's option B?

Then I open Instagram and get a notification: my account has been disabled for copyright infringement. I create all my own content. So I hit appeal, sent the documentation in, and said to myself: right, that's done. There's nothing more you can do about it right now. Don't focus on it.

Then another announcement. Same tone of voice, you could hear it even in German: "you're never going to believe this". Our train had hit a cyclist. Thankfully the cyclist was okay. But at that point the whole train was laughing because it was so absurd.

Frankfurt. A connecting train to a different airport. Another train because the first one went the wrong way. A flight to Athens with five hours to kill, so we put our bags in storage at the port (good to know: it's cheap, and it frees you up) and went somewhere beautiful. We booked a ferry, 9pm to 1am, so at least we wouldn't lose our accommodation. Then we went to get a taxi and there was a taxi strike in Athens. You have got to be f***ing kidding me. We waved one down eventually.

The ferry turned out to be a huge ship. Levels, escalators, elevators. And going on a ship is one of my biggest fears. By then I was like, we've conquered everything else today, what's one more fear in the mix? I had a great nap and amazing ice cream on the open deck and literally had the best time. We arrived about 2am, after roughly 24 hours of travel. But we got here.

How do I stop spiralling when things go wrong?

Normally I would have been the queen of the mental breakdown. My whole business is gone. All my memories, all my contacts, everything. I'd have checked out completely and all I could have focused on was how diabolical it was, full poor-me victim mindset. Instagram is my business model. It's how I make money every single day. That would make most people derail. Their emotions go out the window, they can't think straight, and they can't execute.

Instead I did a triage. What is the most important thing I need to focus on right now? Is there anything else I can do about this? Probably not. So I focused on what was in front of me.

That's the whole shift. Life is going to happen. Things will be wildly out of your control, and your job is to pivot in that moment and say: these are the things I can control right now, and these are the things I can't. Then put your energy into the first list.

Why do hard days derail my goals?

This doesn't only apply to travel or your Instagram going down. It's one of the biggest reasons I see women derail and not reach their goals: they think they're meant to be immune from the hard parts of life.

The reality is there are meant to be hard days. There are meant to be challenges. If it were easy the whole time, you'd be bored out of your mind. And you're on your own hero's journey, building your big, fabulous, iconic life. Heroes don't earn that status by having it easy. They earn it by overcoming the hard stuff.

So maybe the kids are going f***ing feral. Maybe Gary at work is being a d*ckhead. Maybe your friend is being one too. Maybe finances aren't looking great and the car breaks down, while you're working on your body goal or your business goal or becoming your highest, hottest version of yourself. It is not your job to control all of those people. Your job is to control what you can control in that moment.

How do I focus on what I can control?

Controlling what you can control can look like:

• Emotional regulation, catching the reaction before it runs the day.
• Protecting your boundaries and taking a step back.
• Getting your training session in, instead of "I'm stressed and overwhelmed, so I'll deprioritise the things that make me feel my best".
• Fuelling yourself well, especially when you're sick and the all-or-nothing mentality kicks in. You can still control what you eat, how much you rest and your hydration.

When you recognise that you are the creator, the author, the CEO of your existence, and you get to decide how you regulate and where your energy goes, life gets a lot easier.

Does staying calm actually change how the day goes?

If I had let the Instagram situation turn into the crash out of the century at 3am, would I have kept going hurdle after hurdle? Would I have ended up having a pretty great day? Because it was kind of fun in the end, this random, wild journey.

If I'd decided at the start that it was going to set the tone for my day, I would have been Cyclone Henny. Hurricane Henny. Frustrated, angry, going through the motions, and nothing would have flowed. Ryan would not have had a good day either. (He's earned a new name after this trip, by the way. Goggins Ryan. Stay f***ing hard.)

What if the thing you lost actually helps you?

It's been five days without my Instagram and I've been really good about it. I decided to see it as a test of how well I can emotionally regulate.

And honestly, I'd been struggling with comparison before we left, and with staying in my lane. Social media is addictive, hand on heart, and I'm just as bad as everybody else with the doom scrolling. So part of me asked: am I kind of glad? For a few days I've had no idea what anyone is eating, how they're training or what they did today. I've just been present. Time is the greatest currency you have.

It's also forced a big question. If I had to start from scratch, who would I want to be? What would I create? All the rules would be gone. That's a really cool question to ask yourself, Instagram or not: who do I want to be, what do I want to achieve, and what do I want to do?

Do I want my account back? Yes. I've spent ten years building that page, my audience and my community, and it sucks, let's be real. I have actually paid a Turkish hacker to try and get my Instagram account back. My mum called asking if I could just set up a new account so they can see what I'm doing. But everything has to happen the way it's going to happen.

How do I get out of a victim mindset?

You get to decide how you show up today. What you hold weight to. What you let go of. What you protect your boundaries for.

If you're working on becoming your most iconic self, ask: does it serve me to keep carrying the "poor me, my life is so hard" story? Or would it serve me better to redirect that energy and say, throw me to the wolves and I'll come back leading the pack?

So if you're frazzled and overwhelmed and not at home in yourself today, sis, pull your sh*t together and make the decision. I'm not wasting a minute, a day, a week or a month on sad sack tragic. Not me. Not anymore.

Be extra kind to people, be even kinder to yourself, and be the woman who goes for it.