Tried Everything and Nothing Is Working? It's Not Another Plan You Need

Why do I keep going back to old habits?

I put up a question box and asked you to ask me anything about glowing up. And one question came through that I think is the best question of them all: how do I stop going back to my old habits?

Because whatever you're working towards, a physical transformation, a mental one, a little bit of everything, it is anchored by your habits. The tiny decisions you make every single day. Your morning routine, your evening routine, the non-negotiable standards you hold for your day. They will quite literally decide whether your goal becomes a reality or not.

Here is the hard part. Where you are right now, I like to call it sad sack island. And where you want to go, your highest, hottest, most iconic version of self, feels really f***ing far removed. You see the transformations online and you're sitting at home, and maybe you're overweight, maybe you're in a sh*t relationship or just came out of one, maybe you hate your job, your finances, your whole life. And the idea of becoming that woman who walks into rooms with an aura, who goes after what she wants and actually gets it, who is clear and in control... it feels a million miles away.

But that woman is so achievable. For every single woman. It is about reverse engineering who she is, what she stands up for and what she does every single day, and turning that into habits.

What would she do right now?

Whatever you're working towards, it always comes down to one question: what would that version of you do in this situation?

Say you're working on a body recomposition and you want an incredible physique. Right now it might feel really far away. But start asking: would she go and do the workout? Would she do her meal prep? Would she skip the drinks and dinner this week, because she knows she can't control herself in that setting yet and she's working on her goals?

The moment you start asking what she would do, you start figuring out what her habits are. That is the first point of any glow up. Identify the habits of this woman, every single day.

Why do I know what to do but not do it?

This is the age-old saying of most women. It is not a lack of information. You know you should be walking 10k steps a day. You know you should be eating in a calorie deficit. You know you should be strength training three to four times a week.

So why do you keep starting off really strong and then self sabotaging?

That is why transformation doesn't happen for a lot of women. It is why I built my app the way I did, and why my 12-week program is anchored in mindset and understanding yourself. Because it was absolutely me as well. I wasn't lacking information. I was at the peak of information. I have done over a decade in the health and fitness industry, coaching, personal training, nutrition, mindset. And I still kept self sabotaging, knowing all the things I should be doing and not doing them.

So the question isn't "what are the habits". The question is: why don't I actually believe the results are going to happen for me?

Pull back the layers of the onion and you'll find a deeply rooted set of beliefs about who you are right now, why you are that person, and why you'll always stay that person unless you do something about it. There is no miracle meal plan. There is no miracle training program that is going to change your mind overnight and make you stick to your habits. You have to understand the why first. Journal every day. Ask yourself the questions. Do the work on yourself.

Why does my brain keep pulling me back?

Your default setting is to go to the place of least resistance. The place of knowing. The place of comfort. Even when it makes you miserable, it is still known, and to your brain known feels safe.

So when you push towards something new, something uncomfortable, your brain pulls back with every fibre of its being. No, no, no, let's go back to the safety net.

That is where self awareness comes in, and it is the biggest difference between the woman who sticks to her habits and the woman who doesn't. Instead of going through the motions, spiralling, saying "f*** it" and questioning the plan for the hundredth time, you catch it. Why is this coming up for me right now? And instead of walking the same path you've always walked, you make a different decision.

Your brain will be resisting and screaming and bargaining. And you say: no. Sit down. We're doing something different. The new path might be bushy and rough and uncomfortable to start with, but every time you take it you flatten it a little, and it gets easier. That's how habits rewire, and it's why they take time. Do the hard now so it's easier later.

How do I make a habit actually stick?

Here is the order I'd go in.

1. Reverse engineer the highest, hottest, most iconic version of you.
2. Deeply understand yourself: why you are the way you are and why you hold the beliefs you hold, so you have the self awareness to catch them.
3. Expect resistance. It will be hard. Every time you choose different, you become different.
4. Celebrate the f*** out of your wins. If you're not with a coach or a community, there's nobody clapping and nobody holding up the mirror saying "look what you did". So do it for yourself. That validation is what builds momentum, and momentum is what makes a habit stick. We love instant gratification, and most goals are delayed gratification, so give yourself the small wins along the way.
5. Set a specific, measurable goal with a deadline. Vague goals get vague results. Nothing moves a woman quicker than a wedding date. The wedding shred should be studied. Book the holiday, the photo shoot, the event, and make it locked in so you can't bargain with it. I like 12 weeks: long enough for habits to stick and for the good days, the bad days and everything in between.

What if I keep falling off?

Remove perfectionism. You are not going to do it at 100% every single day, and expecting to sets you up for failure.

I see it so often with morning routines. One bad morning becomes a crash out and a shame spiral. A morning turns into a week, a week into two, and months later you're asking: am I broken? Am I unfixable? No. You put an unrealistic, perfect standard on yourself.

Life is going to happen. You'll be tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Work will be feral, the kids will be feral, your partner might be feral, and people might be d*ckheads. It's not about life not happening. It's about how you respond. Hyper-fixate on what you can control, let go of what you can't, and go for progress over perfection. Do it at 1%, at 90%, at 110%. Every day is different. Just do your best.

If you're sick and can't train, the universe is not conspiring against you. Ask what you can control. What you eat. Whether you rest or mindlessly scroll. Treating yourself with kindness. And getting straight back into it when you're better.

And stop comparing your day one to someone else's day 1,000. They are worlds apart. Stay in your lane. It doesn't need to be perfect. It needs to be consistent.

It's time to do something different

If you're yo-yoing in and out right now, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity. It's time to go about it a different way.

After years of coaching over 1,000 women, I can tell you the women who lean into the mindset work, who do the uncomfortable thing of really understanding themselves, are the ones having the most unrecognisable transformations. And hand on heart, the biggest thing for me was understanding my own brain. Being frustrated at it sometimes. "You know everything, just pull it together, Henrietta." Absolutely I have those moments. But understanding why I self sabotage, why I procrastinate, why I don't do the things... and then doing different to be different.

Just because you've been a certain way your whole life doesn't mean you stay that way. Not me. Not anymore.

A note from the FGN team: if eating ever feels out of your control, or you are bingeing regularly, please talk to your GP or a psychologist as well.