How to Stop Complaining and Take Responsibility for Your Life

What does it mean to take responsibility for your life?

This is the perfect one to listen to, or read, on a Monday morning when you feel flat. When you're ready to throw the towel in. You're exhausted, you're tired, you're overwhelmed, the universe is testing you and you are at absolute burnt toast.

So buckle in. It's going to be a savage one. If you want someone to tell you to do the kumbaya and honour yourself and treat yourself and all of that fluff, this is not the place. But if you want to finish this ready to go feral for your goals, keep reading.

Here is the one thing I want you to do, and it is one of the hardest things for a human to do. Take full, active responsibility and full, active ownership that the reason your life is the way it is right now, and the way you're feeling, is completely your fault.

Hard pill to swallow. For sure.

Am I to blame for everything that happens to me?

No. And I want to be really clear here. If something extremely unfortunate happened to you that was out of your control, this is not what I'm talking about. Let's normalise that.

But for the majority of us, if you are unhappy with your body, your relationship, your financial situation, where you live, everything going on in your life... start taking active responsibility that it is the way it is because you made it this way.

Because here is the good part. When you recognise that everything in your life is a by-product of your decisions and your choices, you also recognise that if you chose your way into these circumstances, you can choose the good. You can choose to build and create whatever life you want.

If you're not happy with things, that's your fault. If you are happy with things, that's also your fault too. Either way, you actually have the power. And when you realise you have the power over absolutely everything you can change, your life can unfold in the most extraordinary way.

If you decide you want to build the best body of your whole entire life, and go all in on making it a reality, you will make it a reality. If you decide you want a million dollars in your bank account, and you go day in, day out and wake up hungry and focused, you will make that a reality and it will happen. If you want a different friendship group, a different way of dressing, a different place to live... that is your decision too.

Why do I keep complaining but never change anything?

Now here's where the hard words with Henny come in hot.

Your excuses. Your whingeing and complaining about how hard your life is to everybody else. It's going around in your head 24/7. You're complaining to your friends, your family, your colleagues, your pets. You're looking at them saying "life f***ing sucks, I hate my life". Anyone who will hear it, you're making it your mission to let them know your life is so hard.

And I'm telling you right now, it's going to stay hard.

It's okay to not feel okay. It's okay to be frustrated with your circumstances. But you have to choose your hard. You can choose the hard of staying the same, in the same circumstances, exactly where you are right now. Or you can choose the hard of a different path.

Playing the victim and complaining to everyone else is never going to get you where you want to go. Normalise that it's going to be hard when you're working towards your goals. And if you're in a sh*t place right now, mentally not good, at war with yourself, feeling like everything is on fire... it's going to be really hard.

But from my own life and all the hard I have been through, me sitting on the sidelines saying "poor me, why me, I'm not the lucky girl, I'm never going to get those things" never got me one step closer to those things.

How do I stop making excuses and actually change?

It goes like this.

Think about where you're at and what you complain about the most. It could be looking in the mirror and hating your body. It could be hating your job and waking up every day feeling out of purpose. Whatever it is.

Most of the time, what I hear from women is that they're tired, stressed, overwhelmed, they have too much on their plate, they can't get their workouts in, they didn't have time to meal prep. Think about yours. I guarantee you there are a few on repeat.

Then take active responsibility and say: the reason I have these things going on, and the reason I feel this way, is because I allowed it.

And then, and this is the really important part, do something different. Something you have never done before.

What if my excuse is that I don't have time?

Then it's a week off tech for you.

No time on your phone. A week fully off tech. If your job needs you on it, fine, be on it for that. But the time you would spend mindlessly scrolling, consuming other people's lives, procrastinating and doom scrolling? That's when you do your workouts. That's when you prep your meals. That's when you do all the things you said you didn't have time for.

No time for the gym? Train from home. Make it work for your life and your circumstances, and commit to one week of quitting the b*tching and taking some responsibility.

I so understand. I work with women with multiple jobs, with children, solo parenting, going through financial hardship. I hear it all. And the women with the most reasons not to stick to a meal plan or a training program are generally the most consistent. Because they know that to be a great parent, to be there for their family and their colleagues, to do everything life asks of them, they have to look after themselves to run at that capacity.

Some of my most successful clients are on home training programs, because they are consistent as f***. Can't do an hour? Do 20 minutes. Do a mat-only workout. Do a Pilates session at home. None of us can spend hours at the gym. But stop using it as an excuse and stop giving up so easily.

Is "really busy" a flex?

One of the biggest things I hear people complain about, and when I hear it come out of my own mouth now I get an absolute ick, is this. Someone asks "how are you?" and you say "really busy".

I hate it so much. It is not a flex. Nobody respects you more for it. It's not a flex to be busy and not achieving anything.

So this week, instead of "busy", try: "You know what? I'm absolutely f***ing killing it with my training sessions this week. I'm so aligned with my goals." Switch the narrative.

And notice what happens in the conversation. When someone says "oh, really busy", the mood just drops. Here we go again. When someone says "I'm f***ing fantastic"? Right on. Energy shift. Energy is currency. Your tone changes, your day changes, and you feel a little bit better for not being the Debbie Downer.

How do I take control of my life when I feel stuck?

Seven days. Whatever day you're reading this, be the queen of active responsibility and see how good it feels to take full ownership of your life for seven days straight.

You are not a feather in the wind. You do not have concrete boots holding you to the ground where you are. But nothing changes if nothing changes.

If you are so far up in your head right now, and your inner b*tch is going feral with the negative talk, the self-hate and the frustration, this is the moment to say: I don't want to feel like this anymore, and I'm going to do some basic things that make me feel better.

1. Create a morning routine. Wake up and do something for your mindset to anchor in for the day.
2. Move your body, because it makes you feel good.
3. Fuel your body with something that makes you feel good.
4. Drop the idea that you have to have it all figured out, or that it has to be perfect.
5. Make a decision and a seven-day commitment to do something different from what you have ever done before.

I've been there. When life is testing and really hard, it's so much easier to crawl under the doona and lie in bed scrolling. I did exactly that when my anxiety was the worst it has ever been in my life. And it made me feel so much worse.

One of the biggest things that got my life back in order and got my momentum back was building a base structure. Not perfect. A plan. A training program. A meal plan. A few basics I could focus on winning, so I could start collecting little wins.

Before you know it, those little wins start stacking. A little momentum. A little more belief in yourself. A little more encouragement. And once you've taken control of one part of your life, you start wanting it for the others.

The part I want you to remember

It's okay not to feel okay. It's not okay to do nothing about it.

Life is short. We have no idea how much time we have or what life has in store. But wouldn't you love to know you gave every single day your best crack? That you built a life, a body and a mind you were so proud of you couldn't wait to wake up for it?

So get the vision. If you don't have one yet, that's okay, start building it. That future you, that future life. Remove the fear and the inner b*tch noise. Baby steps. But most of all, get back in the game.

And if the majority of people spent the same amount of time doing the things that make them feel better as they spend complaining about the things they're not doing, they would be so much happier. Try a week of not thinking about it, not talking about it... just doing it.

You are worthy and deserving of your goals becoming a reality. But they're not going to happen with you throwing yourself on the couch and giving up. Go out and move your body. Fuel it with something good today. Make a plan, lock in, do a little sprint week, and let's f***ing do this dance, honey.

And if anyone asks how you are this week? "I'm f***ing fantastic."

A note from the FGN team: if low mood, anxiety or overwhelm has been sitting with you for weeks, please talk to your GP as well.