How to Get Everything You Want in Life (Even If Nothing Has Ever Worked Out for You)

What if nothing has ever worked out for me?

I am a firm believer that every single woman deserves to have whatever the f*ck she wants in life. It is not my place to judge what you want, and it's not your place to be the woman who doesn't get it.

But let me tell you who's talking to you. I used to be the girl that nothing would ever happen for. I know that sounds so victim mindset, so tragic, so sad sack. But I wasn't one of those kids that all the great things happened for. I was never picked for sports at school. I was never picked for dance recitals or musicals. I wasn't the coolest kid and I wasn't the smartest kid. I was picked last for the majority of things for the majority of my existence.

Most of you will relate, because that's most of us. And the hard part is that those years form the pattern for who you become as an adult. I don't wear that as a badge of honour. I wear it as proof. If I can do this, then so can f*cking you.

Why am I scared to even want things?

I've always been driven, and I've always been able to achieve some pretty amazing things. But the things I REALLY wanted? I got so scared that I wouldn't even dare to dream about them. In my head, if I wished for it and thought about it enough, that was a guaranteed way to make sure I'd never get it.

I think most women carry that same fear. Think about how badly you wanted something when you were younger, sitting in a daydream going "oh my God, imagine if this happens". Then you didn't get it, and it felt awful. So as adults we carry it through. We think if we want it too much, we're probably not going to get it.

Today we take that concept and throw it out the window, because that daydream state is actually a superpower.

The 4 steps

People overcomplicate this and make it way harder than it needs to be. To be a woman who gets what she wants in life, there are four things.

Step 1: Get crystal clear

You need to be clear on exactly what you want, without limits, without a time frame, without judgement, without fear, and without all the other things you carry around in your day to day. The incredible house. The body. The relationship. Waking up in your dream space with your car parked downstairs.

Dare to dream. I talk about dreaming Disney scale, and I have for years. It doesn't matter where you are or what you look like right now.

What if I don't even know what I want?

This is the big blocker. "So many things have happened to get me to this point that I don't even know what I want." So start with what you don't want, and pair it with what would be on the other side of it.

And remove the pressure. When I listen to athletes and people who have done wildly extraordinary things, so many of them knew what they wanted from the time they were a kid. I had none of that. I'm 36 and I'm only just getting clear on my vision now. What I envisioned a few years ago is still the biggest thing I visualise, but it has developed, it has evolved, and it has become clearer. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just start building it.

Step 2: See it every single day

This is where people f*ck it up. You can't visualise once. You can't make a vision board, plant the seed and go "okay, off we go". Big goals take time and many, many micro decisions, so the practice has to be daily.

Do it as soon as you wake up and when you're going to bed. Those are your prime windows for planting the seeds. Don't miss them, and don't fill them with someone else's highlight reel.

It works because your brain goes looking for what you've told it matters. Think about the time you wanted a new car. You decide you want a red Range Rover, and suddenly red Range Rovers are everywhere. They were always there. You just told your brain to look for them. The same thing happens when you create a vision of your future self and your future life.

Step 3: Make one move every day

Then you need to get the f*ck up off your arse and make a move every single day that gets you 1% closer.

A goal, quite simply, is reverse engineered into tiny little micro steps, consistent discipline, and consistent boundaries and standards that get you to that destination. That daily move is how you bridge the gap between where you are right now and where you want to go.

Step 4: Master delayed gratification

This is the most important part of the puzzle, and it was the hardest part for me.

I couldn't understand why I couldn't just snap my fingers and have everything I wanted. I was so consumed by social media, watching overnight sensations, overnight bodies and overnight money, that I became really hard on myself. Why wasn't I the type of person who could make it happen quickly?

It takes f*cking time to make goals a reality. That's why so many people tap out so soon. It's hard, and it takes a lot longer than most people expect.

What do I do when I'm doing all the work and nothing is moving?

I can still remember walking with my partner Ryan, getting really frustrated. I said to him, "I'm doing all of the work. I'm listening to these future-me visualisations. I'm showing up every single day. I just don't feel any momentum."

That's the part that really sucks. The messy in-between, where you feel like you're not moving and your goals aren't becoming real. That is exactly where you need to stick with the process and double down. Don't second guess it, and don't stress that you're not where you want to be yet.

Looking back, I'm still in the messy middle. I think you always are when you want the next level. But you have to celebrate what you've already made real. My vision was to start Feel Good Naked and create an app that radically transforms women's lives. I'm doing it. When I was doing every job role myself, I would have traded my soul for assistant coaches, an assistant, and someone helping me in the back end. Now it's happening. A trip to Europe sat on my vision board for probably 10 years and felt completely out of reach, and I've just done it.

Celebrate that it was once only part of the vision. Then build the next one.

Why not you?

Success leaves clues, guys. I guarantee you every great who has done something extraordinary saw it in their mind first, then actively pursued it. They didn't make a mood board once and think about it once. You can go all in on the process, or you can half-ass it and keep going around in circles. But as far as I'm concerned, if you can see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hands.

So why the f*ck not you?